Moravian > UConn, Notre Dame, UW, OSU

You can always count on friends: Keith e-mailed a link to the College Football Victory Chain Linker. By using some programming gobbledygook that I don't understand at all, it provides a chain of victories that "proves" one team is better than another. For instance, the old 'well, team A beat team B who beat team C who beat team D, so team A must be the best' deal.

Obviously this isn't infallible logic, but it still gives me a chance to skewer all of your favorite teams. (C'mon, smile with me.)

So, in my senior season of 1996, let's take a look at all of the regulars' favorite teams and see just how Moravian is better than all of them:

UConn
Moravian beat
FDU-Madison who beat
Johns Hopkins who beat
Bridgewater VA who beat
Hampden-Sydney who beat
Methodist who beat
Maryville who beat
Ky Wesleyan who beat
Bethel TN who beat
Cumberland KY who beat
Georgetown KY who beat
Kentucky St who beat
Albany GA who beat
North Alabama who beat
TAMU-Kingsville who beat
Sam Houston St who beat
SW Texas St who beat
Hofstra who beat
Connecticut

Suck it, East Coast Huskies.

Notre Dame
Moravian beat
FDU-Madison who beat
Johns Hopkins who beat
Bridgewater VA who beat
Hampden-Sydney who beat
Methodist who beat
Maryville who beat
Ky Wesleyan who beat
Bethel TN who beat
Cumberland KY who beat
Georgetown KY who beat
Kentucky St who beat
Albany GA who beat
North Alabama who beat
TAMU-Kingsville who beat
Sam Houston St who beat
SW Texas St who beat
Idaho who beat
Nevada who beat
UNLV who beat
San Diego State who beat
Air Force who beat
Notre Dame

Suck it, Irish.

Ohio State
Moravian beat
FDU-Madison who beat
Johns Hopkins who beat
Bridgewater VA who beat
Hampden-Sydney who beat
Methodist who beat
Maryville who beat
Rhodes who beat
Austin Col who beat
Howard Payne who beat
Mississippi Col who beat
Henderson St who beat
West Georgia who beat
Jacksonville St who beat
W Kentucky who beat
Murray St who beat
W Illinois who beat
N Illinois who beat
Arkansas State who beat
Louisiana Tech who beat
Mississippi St who beat
Alabama who beat
Michigan who beat
Ohio State

Suck it, Buckeyes. (Wow, that felt really good. Sorry Mandy.)

Holy crap, it's a good thing we beat FDU-Madison that year. Otherwise, we'd be worse than all of these schools!

(For what it's worth, Keith tried to brag about his alma mater, Randolph-Macon. Said they were better than Moravian, and provided a chain with like 10 links. I looked it up the other way, and we needed four links to prove we were better than Randy Mac. So suck it, Jackets.)

Did I just see what I just saw?

In a moment in life, a story is begging to be told. I had one of those moments this morning, but only wished I could discover the backstory.

Some backstory of my own to tell you how I got to that point: Since I don't usually carry cash, I had to stop at the local 7-11 this morning in Seminary Towers in Alexandria, a large apartment complex just off of I-395. I bought some OJ and got $5 in change; three in singles and two in quarters.

This was necessary because, once a week for 16 weeks in the fall and winter (you can guess why), I drive out the Dulles Toll Road, which costs $1.25 a trip. Take away the 25-cent can of Coke I'm drinking, and the quarters came in handy.

While I was waiting in line, there was a woman in front of me. Late 40s, early 50s I guess. She bought two things: a pack of Marlboro Lights and a six-pack - cans - of Natty Light.

At 8:45 a.m.

There are a lot of whys here, and none of them have to do with the Marlboro Lights.

Why is someone buying a cold six-pack so early in the morning? Why is does it need to be cold that early in the morning?

Perhaps most importantly, why is someone buying Natural Light?

My mind pondered the possibilities as I waited for her to clear out. Obviously, it would not have been wise to inquire about those possibilities - or at least not very neighborly.

I came up with a few scenarios, but all have their flaws. And I'll leave you guys to come up with your own conclusions.

But when you see something so seemingly out of place, your mind can't help but wonder. Perhaps if I knew this woman better, maybe it wouldn't be a surprise at all.

-- I SHOULD BE BETTER ABOUT POSTING, I KNOW, but we've had some internet trouble at home this week. I'm writing from Redskins Park, where we're in the middle of a two-hour, 45-minute break between a conference call and open locker room.

The connection was so spotty that I was prepared to take the cable modem to the local Comcast office and trade it in for a new one. So you can imagine what my outrage level would have been if I'd done that - only to find out that wasn't the problem.

As it turned out, a Comcast technician showed up early Wednesday morning. (Because of the 10 a.m. conference call, I had to leave early, and couldn't be around for the full 7-11 a.m. window that the service reps told me. So I called last night to cancel the appointment and re-book for Friday. I thought I had done that, but whatever.)

He found out that the connection between the cable and the splitter was a little loose - something I'd not at all considered. The TV in our bedroom, further down the line than the net connection, was working perfectly. But he got everything up and running, so kudos to him.

-- VIRTUAL PILOT HUSS has a late-night departure out of Austin, Texas, bound for Monterrey, Mexico. While I was offline, I was working on my landings (because Lord knows, they need work) and used a quick flight from BWI to Dulles.

While looking at the aeronautical charts for Dulles, there's a waypoint or intersection just south of the airport called 'SKINS'. (You can see in this instrument approach chart for Runway 1L, a PDF hosted by airnav.com.)

I'll have to ask some of the guys who have been around here a long time, but my guess is that it has something to do with Old Redskins Park. The current Redskins Park sits north of the airport in the middle of the approach paths to runways 19R and 19L. I've been to Old Redskins Park a few times, and it sits south of the airport; if it is where I think it is, it would be right along the path for inbound northerly flights.

Still, it was pretty interesting to see that pop up on a flight chart.

Really, why bother?

I can't imagine what kind of money Best Buy pulled down today. The one above (thanks to Reuters via Yahoo) is in Fairfax, one I used to visit frequently.

Furthermore, I can't imagine what a zoo the local Best Buys were. The one closest to us is in Baileys Crossroads, which happens to be the intersection of Rt. 7 and Columbia Pike. It's situated in a strip mall with limited parking. Zoom in and click on the tab that says "Aerial View"; see that white building to the left of the star? That's Best Buy. Now look at the parking (considering there are shops all around it, too).

And that's not even my worst Best Buy experience.

Back when I was in Pennsylvania, the nearest Best Buy was in Whitehall, a suburb of Allentown. Heading back to Mapquest, you can see the store here. Zoom in again, and again, the white building to the left of the star is Best Buy. Here's what made it such a mess:

The road in front of Best Buy is Macarthur Road, a pretty big thoroughfare into Allentown and Center City. If you study the parking lot closely, you'll see there's one way in and one way out. You can't turn left onto Macarthur; and as you can see, less than a quarter mile down the road is an exit ramp onto Rt. 22 west. Well, most folks don't want 22 west.

Perhaps the situation has changed, but I recall spending 45 minutes waiting to get out of there once.

And to think, this is being repeated all across the country? Why bother?

There's this awesome thing called the internet nowadays. Provided that the place you want to buy from has reliable servers (and that's not always a given, is it Wal-Mart?), you can accomplish damn near all your shopping in one sitting.

Sit and shop for Christmas presents in your underwear with a beer in your hand. Technology is a wonderful thing.

I'll let those folks fight over their spot in line at Best Buy.

-- WHERE IN THE WORLD IS HUSS? As you'll remember, I've taken a keen interest in my virtual job with UPS. Though I wasn't flying the big birds back then, I've graduated to them in the weeks since. Just today, I took a couple of long-haul flights: First from my hub, Philadelphia, to the main UPS hub in Louisville. Then, looking for a slice of adventure, I went west.

So, to answer the question, Virtual Huss is in Albuquerque, N.M. after 2.5 hours aloft from L-ville. That means I've got takeoffs and landing in eight states since joining UPSVAC: Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Massachusetts, Kentucky and New Mexico.

Hopefully I'll remember to include this when I post, so you can keep up with where the heck I am now. Next stop is LAX, but I'm unsure where to go after that, so I'll keep you posted.

Would it just freaking snow already?

My little Weatherbug display tells me it's 41 degrees, with winds out of the ENE at around 9 mph. They deduce the wind chill at 33 at my local reporting station, John Adams Elementary School, one block over.

Typically, my body does not do very well with these transitional seasons. Today, I'm all sniffly and really need a tissue nearby at any given moment. But this isn't much of a surprise; it's the day before Thanksgiving. After a lifetime spent in the Mid-Atlantic, I've learned what happens at this time of year: We never know what will happen this time of year.

Last year, it was comfortable enough to wear shorts to work. Folks were in flip-flops and we were enjoying the warmth's swan song.

This year, well...the wind chill just dropped to 32.

But that's the thing that bugs me most about the transitional seasons. They never seem to end. Look, we know winter's coming - it's already hit parts of the country like Buffalo and Denver. Let's get some snow and kickoff winter and be done with it. Let's get winter started, so we can get closer to spring.

(And I should note that when I say transitional seasons, I don't mean fall and spring generically; I mean that time of year when summer and winter are on the doorstep, on the cusp of breaking through. It's not a months-long process, it's a few weeks.)

Yet, we're supposed to get rain this afternoon. Is there anything more miserable than a cold, windy rain?

Indeed, there is: A cold, windy rain that, a few weeks later, would be a blizzard.

At least then we'd know winter had started.

That Screech you hear...

is the sound of women and children in pain; and the sound of people putting on the brakes as they reach the porcelain god.

I myself feel physically ill. Literally.

See that guy to the right? Yeah, Screech - Dustin Diamond. He did former Saved by The Bell castmate Elizabeth Berkley one better.

He's starring in his own porno.

Quick, click here. You'll feel better.

The fine folks at industry rag Adult Video News have the news. (Link probably SFW, but why risk it? Wait 'til you get home.)

Look, I don't begrudge the guy. If every guy that reads this is honest with himself, he'd hop at the chance to earn a paycheck by jumping in the sack with a couple of porno starlets. Some of us would have to ask permission, of course, but you're damn right we'd want to do it.

It's a way to try to jumpstart a career or stay in the public eye a little longer. Exhibit A: Paris Hilton. Exhibit B: Manassas' finest, John Wayne Bobbitt.

(A funny aside to Mr. Bobbitt: Floating around our office somewhere is a signed copy of his divorce agreement - it's like a treasure passed down from generation to generation, and I saw it exchange hands when uber cop reporter Patrick Wilson bolted for Winston-Salem, N.C. At the end of his signature, he drew a bloody knife.)

At the same time, I know that the general public doesn't want to see me in, uh, intimate moments. That's fine. I ain't Fabio, and that's OK.

I guess I'm just really curious as to how this deal went down. His agent calls and says, 'Look, I got this great opportunity... but it's a little unusual.' And, for the reasons outlined above, he went along with it.

But the fact is that he's just not the best-looking guy on earth. He's pornstar material as much as I am. And that ain't much.

Really, I don't begrudge the guy. But at the same time, you've got to recognize your limits, you know?